Diana is ‘bored of publicity’, Declares Clairvoyant

A spirit medium who claims to have spoken to Diana, Princess of Wales, said the ‘People’s Princess’ is ‘sick to the back teeth’ of the continued publicity surrounding her untimely death.

Kirsty Martinez, 28 from Cambuslang, exclusively revealed details of her conversations with the Princess to thenewsentry.com.  “She can’t believe she’s still in the headlines 10 years on” said Miss Martinez.  “She shied away from the spotlight when she was alive, so it’s understandable she’s embarrassed by media pressure from beyond the grave.  She told me she was bored by reading the same stories told again and again by every snivelling little lackey who worked in the palace.”

The Princess was amused however, by her most recent mention in the newspapers.  “Apparently she had a crush on Alistair Campbell! That made her laugh, I can tell you,” growled Kirsty. “And I should know, she was laughing in my ear for a week.”  Needless to say, these risible claims were made by the PR man himself, in a rare bout of limelight-hogging.  “Do you know I haven’t been in the papers for two weeks?” he was rumoured to have squealed.

Miss Martinez first discovered her ‘gift’ whilst in primary school.  “I used to hear voices in my head during maths lessons,” she bawled, “then I found I could consciously choose who to communicate with.  Unfortunately I’m limited to dead people, and bizarrely people with royal sounding names, so in the early days it was just Duke Ellington, Freddie Mercury from Queen and thousands of men called Earl.”

That soon changed following the death of Princess Diana in August 1997.  “Yeah, those were big money days for me,” she recalls, punctuating each word with a torrent of spittle.  “I couldn’t reveal it to the press, but I used to put up cards in phone boxes to tell people who wanted to contact her. Sadly due to a printing error they said ‘Contact Diana, Princess of Whales’. I got a lot of nutjobs after that; all obsessed with fish! Even though whales are mammals. Freaks.”

Kirsty has been ‘told’ to break her silence by the Princess, in the hope it will stop press speculation about her death.  “It was a car crash, the driver was drunk as a skunk!” laughs Martinez.  “She still doesn’t know why people don’t believe that and move on. Maybe it was because she had a terrific rack.”