Players to Earn Cash through Advertising in Their Names

A radical new form of marketing is set to see Britain’s top footballers alter their names in exchange for advertising revenues.

The sport is already one of the most money-orientated in the world but footballers are increasingly offering to sacrifice their own identity for six figure sums from corporate investors, including Chelsea and England Captain John Terry.

Terry is understood to have agreed a three year deal with cross-channel operator Brittany Ferries which involves the alteration of his name to ‘John Brittany Ferries Terry’. Thenewsentry.com understands that commentators will now be required to use Terry’s full name as well as the suffix ‘The quick and easy route to your holiday in France.’

A player who has already taken advantage of the potential earning power is West Ham and England Under-21 midfielder Nigel Reo-Coker, now rechristened Reo-Coca-Cola. Coca Cola changed his name last month in exchange for a lucrative contract worth £4m over the next five years. Critics have labelled him as a money grabber devoid of morals, something which Coca Cola denies.

“Sure, to some people it might just look as if I’m in it for the money but don’t forget the sweet and refreshing taste of Coca Cola. Having the chance to be identified with something so thirst-quenching and delicious was simply too good to turn down, in fact I’m in the mood for a Coke right now!”

Although some of soccer’s biggest stars are set to earn shed loads of unnecessary revenue the practice has slightly more humble beginnings. The first player to enter into such a contract was former Aberdeen striker Armand One, currently with Raith Rovers. For a six month trial period in 2004 the player changed his name to Armand One 2 One and featured in a series of tenuous television commercials which desperately tried to connect football with mobile phone usage.

One positive outcome of this otherwise unsuccessful experiment was the immortal line ‘it’s One 2 One in a one-on-one with Andy Goram’ during a Scottish cup match against Elgin City, a statement which won the BBC Scottish Commentary of the Year award and propelled One 2 One to nationwide fame in Scotland, something he takes as a positive from the experience.

“Looking back on it I don’t think that changing my name was such a good idea. I achieved fame because of that Andy Goram one on one thing and got a good rate on off-peak calls but at the end of the day it took away from my football. I would warn any Premiership stars to consider the consequences before franchising themselves out like this.”

Illustration by Jarri Amini