Bush's Facebook Wall Still Blank

Over six weeks have passed after 43^rd President of the United States George W. Bush composed his Facebook profile, and yet his message wall still remains blank.

“I don’t get it,” said Bush, 61, after checking his profile Monday morning. “I'd filled in all the details, such as 'Political Views', 'Interested In' and 'Favourite Movies', but nobody's sent me anything. It's like nobody knows I'm here.”

Texas-born Chief Executive Bush, who has a face like a chimp, is a latecomer to the Facebook fold, and so far has only three friends; his father George Bush Sr., who only uses Facebook to search for surviving members of his Gulf War cabinet, Jordan Taylor, an 18 year-old Legalize Cannabis campaigner who adds all new profiles to his 'Friends' list without checking them, and Kermit the Frog, who is not actually Kermit the Frog.

“Even Kim Jong-il and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad get more messages than me,” he said.

Other White House heavies such as Dick Cheney and Condoleezza Rice have well-publicised profiles and receive daily bombardments of messages and friend requests from across the globe.

“George sent me a friend request but I'm ignoring it for now,” said awful marksman Cheney. “What with the new Texas Hold 'Em feature and joining the 'Troops out Of Iraq' group, I've not had time. Besides, if I added George to my friends list, he'd probably just keep poking me every goddamn day. I get enough of that at work.”

Condoleezza Rice, whose profile Condi4Prez receives over 100 messages a day, also hasn't added Bush yet. Thenewsentry.com reporters caught up with her scaling the Washington Monument barehanded with a cutlass in her teeth. “I ignored his friend request. I have so many birthday reminders that adding more friends is just gonna complicate things.”

However, Bush is undeterred by his blank wall. “If I change my 'Looking For' section to 'Random Play' maybe I'll find some more friends. Or maybe I'll try MySpace.com. My only consolation is that my 'World Map' feature shows I've been more places than Kermit the Frog. Now watch this drive,” he added.

Illustration by Jarri Amini