Terrorist-looking Man Arrested

A man looking like a terrorist was arrested in the Hyde Park area of Leeds this morning following a dawn raid by police.

The man has been detained under the Terrorism Act and is due to be released without charge some time next month. The arrest came after several residents in the area reported a man looking suspiciously like a terrorist using a mobile phone, entering a house, and closing the front door. Police 999 operators alerted Special Branch when the man’s description matched that of every terrorist currently at large.

The man, who lives with his Caucasian wife and two terrorist-looking children, was seized in his bed whilst he dreamt of large-scale attacks on UK and US targets, it was reported. Police found bleach, soap, oil (vegetable) and nails in the house and have cordoned off the street in order to carry out controlled explosions of suspect pieces of post found on the kitchen table.

A high amount of fertilizer was found in the garden, pointing towards a plot to kill thousands of innocent citizens. A white powder, suspected of being anthrax, was also discovered but police toxicologists later declared the substance a non-lethal lubricant, or talc.

The raid comes amidst a flurry of arrests of terrorist-looking men in the UK and Australia following the failed attacks in London and Glasgow. A simultaneous arrest took place at a hospital nearby, where a man looking like a terrorist had been treating patients and looking at a computer. The arrests are reported to be linked. The terror threat level has been downgraded from critical to stable, or for people who don’t understand what that means, from red to blue, following today’s arrests.

One neighbour said he was relieved that now all terrorists in the UK had been arrested. “It’s good to be able to go outside again. The police did a great job in stopping the attacks in London and Glasgow and then preventing more attacks by arresting this guilty man.”

His wife, a short fat woman, was still in shock at the day’s events, “I just can’t believe it. He seemed like a normal guy, always said hello and smiled. I can’t believe he’s a terrorist. He should hang for this.”