Blair's Reasons for Opposition to Constitution Revealed
The former prime minister, apparently feeling free to express his genuine views after leaving office, told the press that his reservations were not to do with political or economic concerns, but with the city of Brussels itself.
“For ten years now I’ve been listening to people talking about moving closer to Brussels or becoming more like Brussels. Originally I thought they were speaking figuratively but the other day Jose Manuel Barosso suggested replacing Nelson’s Column with a statue of a urinating child, and Peter Mandleson wanted to project a huge picture of Tintin onto parliament. It suddenly dawned on me that I had set Britain on the wrong path. A unified trade policy is one thing but this is simply unthinkable.”
Mr Blair’s comments were welcomed by Robert Kilroy-Silk, leader of the euro-sceptic Veritas party. “People have called me racist and xenophobic, what they didn’t understand is that I was talking in absolutely literal terms. I used to be staunchly pro-European until I was shown plans to rename Waterloo station ‘London Midi’ and allow tramps to piss around the entrance. There is an article in the back of the proposed constitution which would require all European cities to erect a large silver model of a molecule on their outskirts. This cannot be allowed to happen.”
A spokesperson for the European Commission defended the standardisation plans, saying that they had thought long and hard about a model for the next step of European integration.
“We appreciate that Brussels might not be universally welcomed but hey, who doesn’t like Tintin, Waffles and Duvel? We could have chosen a far worse place, Ljubljana for example. We seriously looked at Berlin as a model too but both the French and the Poles had issues with it. At least with Brussels people have a general consensus, even if that is that it’s totally shit.”
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