Beckham Shuns Scientology

Former England captain David Beckham has reportedly turned down an offer to enter the Church of Scientology. 

It is believed that close friend and senior Scientologist Tom Cruise invited Beckham to join the Hollywood based religious movement but Beckham refused, citing a number of reasons why the church would be unsuitable. 

“Although Tom is a good friend of mine and I respect him a lot I can’t lie, I was never very good at science at school so I don’t reckon I’d fit in very well. I mean Tom has used science a lot in his career like when he defeated those aliens in War of the Worlds or all the gadgets in Mission Impossible. I’m not so gifted when it comes to technology, when Gary Neville phones me I usually get Victoria to find the right button to answer it.” 

The so-called religion, which one critic has described as ‘mental’, was previously rumoured to be of interest to Beckham following his move to LA Galaxy. The movement, whose celebrity followers include actor-cum-pilot John Travolta and indie music heartthrob Beck, is based on the teachings of science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard. A fundamental belief of Scientology is that a human contains a trapped soul or ‘thetan’, something which Beckham believes he has already experienced. 

“It was during the 2002 World Cup in Korea and Japan. There was a thunderstorm at the airport and Sven-Goran Eriksson came round to tell all the boys that we were trapped in Seoul. I didn’t get what he was on about at first because I thought we were in Korea but looking back on it everything makes sense.” 

Not all members of the Church of Scientology would happily welcome Beckham into the fold at any rate. One member of the Liverpool branch of the organisation reportedly said, “I have no problem with Beckham himself but whatever he does Phil and Gary Neville seem to follow suit. It is a well known fact that wherever Phil Neville goes bad things happen and we cannot take that risk.” 

Football and faith have been unlikely bedfellows over the years. In 2001, for example, former Derby County and Inter Milan defender Taribo West took a two week unauthorised break from German club Kaiserslautern to go on a pilgrimage which God had supposedly ordered him to take.  

Similarly, when Brazil won the 2002 world cup midfielder Giliberto claimed that ‘God was smiling on Brazil’, a statement which economists have challenged, pointing to the country’s endemic corruption and poverty as strong evidence against this argument.