Mourinho Pleads For Computer Game Inspiration

Chelsea’s manager, Jose Mourinho, has unveiled that he is desperate for the next copy of the computer game “Championship Manager” to be released so that he can find inspiration for the January transfer window.

Following a bout of injuries and suspensions, Chelsea’s squad has reduced to bear bones and it looks like Mourinho has little option but to delve into the transfer market.

However the Chelsea manager is known to rely heavily on the game to highlight up and coming players. “Without CM 2007 I am naked,” Mourinho said in a recent press conference, “I have no idea who to buy. Please, I need that game.”  

Mourinho added: “In the evenings I normally kick back with a good glass of red wine and play the game for several hours. When I see a player I like, I call chairman Roman Abramovich and he buys him. No problems.”

The Portuguese Mourinho used similar tactics to lure veteran striker Andriy  Shevchenko and Germany’s captain Michael Ballack to the team. “It is easy you just go to the transfer menu and click ‘sort by price’ then you take the two most expensive players and offer them three times what they are earning. In the game you give Ballack £140,000 a week he comes to Chelsea no problem. Very easy.” 

Occasionally the system has backfired but on the whole Mourinho is very pleased with his purchases. “Yes you can say that paying £12m for John Obi Mikel, an untested 18 year-old Nigerian, is a bit ridiculous but what the heck we’ve got money to burn. If the makers of CM 2007 hype a one-eyed 12-year-old, I’ll happily pay over the odds for him.”  

Allegedly Mourhino mistakenly played CM 1994 a few months ago and Chelsea nearly put in a £15m offer for the once great striker Dion Dublin. “Luckily we had a trial and realised he was crap,” chuckled Mourinho, “so we just paid £5m and put him in the reserve team. Everyone was happy.”