Ray Mears Develops Primitive Agriculture

Herb-grazing telly-bear Ray Mears surprised anthropologists today with an incredible display of primitive farming techniques, indicating a move away from a hunting and gathering approach to survival toward a more normal, sedentary agrarian subsistence. This has been hailed as a breakthrough in the process of 'civilising' Britain's last remaining prehistoric man.

For over a decade, Ray Mears has been observed in the wild by national television audiences snuffling through patches of mushrooms and scraping bark off trees with roughly-worked flints to make stews. However, recently, the hirsuite leaf-muncher has been seen lashing together tree limbs and attaching slate plough blades, as well as attempting to domesticate deer, ducks and wild boar.

"This is without a doubt a victory for Civilisation", announced Civilisation and Suppression of Minorities Minister Calvin Crisp-Packet from his wrought iron Thameside hunting lodge, "We can finally bring the heathen Mears into the bosom of our noble capitalist nation, get him settled in a semi and eating KFC like a decent human."

However, some scientists have expressed concern about Mears' rather rapid development. After anaesthatizing and tagging him following his roasting of a tramp in a pit of hot stones on Clapham Common last year, he has been seen to exhibit characteristics in common with Homo Sapiens Sapiens at an alarming rate. Closer observation has been refused by the Forestry Commission, for fear of further deaths, or a potentially damaging effect on Mears' natural progression. But the speed of this development is unprecedented in simian evolution, and could lead to a change in the world order.

"If Mears can go from rooting through hedgerows and eating raw goat to this in a mere decade, what does this mean for humanity?" bawled biologist nut-job Kenji Kawasaki, "We must redouble our investment in new technology such as a Martian lander, permanent makeup and fruit tea that doesn't taste like shite, before Mears and his apelike brethren bury the Statue of Liberty and nail us up on museum walls!"