Channel 4 to Launch “Drug Deal or No Deal”

Channel 4 has decided to launch a spin-off of its immensely popular daytime game show, tentatively titled Drug Deal or No Deal.

The programme is said to take the same format as its inexplicably popular counterpart Deal or No Deal, which is hosted by Noel Edmonds and has been noted as the only common conversation piece between millions of OAPs and students in recent times.

“It’s very straightforward,” said Channel 4 spokesperson Gary Dolton, “It’s just like the normal game, except every box – now a bag – contains a dirty mixture of drugs. So for example, your 1p box would now be a bag of heroin that’s 90 per cent talcum powder and 9 per cent dried semen, your £50,000 a ton of slightly impure Moroccan Black, and the £250,000 a bag of the finest cocaine this side of Colombia. Then it’s a match of wits between you and the Banker – now the Dealer – to see if you can get the best price for your junk.

“It’s great because we at Channel 4 are finally giving back to the community. Our contestants will be real drug addicts from the streets with nothing to lose, so we think it’ll be quite fun seeing them fidget nervously, scramble for a grain of cocaine, and then cry rivers when they lose their last chance to get some money or a hit. You might cry with them, but you’ll definitely laugh at them. That’s got success written all over it.”

Based on the success of the programme, Channel 4 hopes to launch a spin-off of this spin-off. “Oh yes, we have great plans for the show,” continued Mr Dolton. “We’ll be having a couple of Celebrity Drug Deal or No Deal recordings soon. We’ve got some great users, past and present, lined up: Angus Deayton, Nicole Richie, Robert Downey Jr, Whitney Houston, Kate Moss… Anyone desperate enough, really.”