Foresters asked to ‘plant more trees’ for Bollywood

International forestry is set to receive a huge boost from the Indian film industry, following repeated complaints of a ‘lack of trees to dance around thanks to global warming’. 

The Indian film industry has been oft-ridiculed for its elaborate and unnecessary song and dance numbers, with a particular focus on running around trees and other sorts of vegetation. However recently, thanks to deforestation and climate problems, directors are finding that they are running out of trees to frolic around. 

“I never thought I’d see this day,” said veteran director Ram Saran. “Where are we supposed to shoot our seventeen costume changes if there’s nothing lush and verdant in the background? Get me a moor, a mound, a bit of heather, anything. Just save us from any inch of normalcy.” 

The issue means great things for foresters worldwide. Many have been drafted in to plant more trees across the world so that Hindi films can continue to flourish. 

Dean Laing, head of the International Forestry Commission and all-round hippie, was overjoyed at the news. “We lost so many good trees this year, with bushfires, floods, and terrorist attacks. Good soldiers they were. Firm. The kind of trees you’d take home to your parents and say, Mum, that’s the sort of girth I’m aiming for. Finally we get to plant more of these benevolent beings and help make Gaia, our Mother Earth, carbon-neutral. I don’t really know what a Bollywood film is, mind, but I’m sure we’re doing a service to humanity.” 

However the move has faced problems from several prominent environmentalist and human rights groups, who feel that although the trees may benefit the world in the long run, it may encourage impressionable teenagers that excessive melodrama, gaudy costumes, or breaking out into a jig straight after a funeral are acceptable societal norms, and that innocent trees should not be party to propagating such raucous high jinks.