Atlantis Discovered Under Gloucestershire Floods

Rescue workers sifting through the floodwaters in Gloucestershire have unexpectedly discovered the Lost City of Atlantis. 

The fabled island, which was completely submerged in around 9000 BC, was thought to have been located somewhere in the Eastern Mediterranean. However, salvage teams in Tewkesbury uncovered on Wednesday what were clearly the remains of an entire ancient metropolis. 

Local historian Geoff Beckett said: “It’s definitely Atlantis. You can tell from the nature of the debris. The architecture is definitely in a classical Greek style, using materials that would have been abundant in the Dodecanese islands at the time – cedar wood, iron ore, olives, things like that. And some of the stone carvings have been immaculately preserved. Just look at the private diary entry of a man called Perphides from the day of the flooding: ‘Went to market today. Bought a goat. Came home. Weather sunny, but looks like it might rain later.’" 

There is general puzzlement at how the Lost City could have been washed all the way to the West Country. Abnormal subterranean sediment rate flow is one of the possible theories. Others have suggested that Atlantis may have been drawn to the area by the Glastonbury festival, but then got lost and found itself submerged by the rising waters. Either way, literally tens of classical mythology enthusiasts are expected to flock to Gloucestershire to pore over the remains.

Meanwhile, local residents are simply enthused over their good fortune. “This find will transform an area devastated by the flooding,” said Sharon Hopper, head of the Tewkesbury Tourist Board. “The disused sulphur mine just wasn’t doing it for the tourists.”  

She acknowledged, however, that there was still significant clean-up work still to be done. “The smell of raw sewage and rotting wood is still rather strong,” she explained. “If Lynx Atlantis had smelt anything like this, I’m not sure they would have sold quite so many cans of the stuff.”