Euro-sceptic MEPs Starve to Death after Refusing to Pay for Food in Euros

Several notable members of the UK Independence Party died from severe and advanced malnutrition in Strasbourg this week following a spirited, if rather unnecessary, vow never to use the single European currency.

According to Strasbourg coroner Antoine de Melezes, European Parliamentarians Ada Foster-Biggott, Julian Snobjockey and the Honourable Sir Arthur Ballstalker Q.C. all exhibited the symptoms of malnutrition such as swollen stomachs, a vacant stare and speaking incomprehensibly, however it is uncertain such physical abnormalities would have stood out in members of UKIP. 

Since their election to the European Parliament in 2003, the three UKIP MEPs had flatly refused ever to use the Euro to make any purchase. They drove themselves in a white van from Calais, without stocking up on petrol, to their offices at Strasbourg. On arrival, they refused to speak to non-British MEPs, and refused to rent apartments locally 'on the grounds that it required them to add further needless legitimacy to Europe's stinky-poo Brussels Sprout play money currency', according to lawyer and member of UKIP Martin Bates.

 Refusal to make use of the Euro meant the trio would only eat such food as their families could post from Britain, and could be found growing wild in Strasbourg gardens. As their families consisted largely of senile Home Counties matriarchs, largely unaware their houses even had kitchens, and as the Strasbourgeois largely inhabit eco-friendly high-rise apartment buildings, starvation was inevitable.

But the leader of UKIP, grinning toffee-tinted buffoon Michael Farage MEP was unwavered, and spoke in full support of his colleagues' heroic actions.

"They survived for literally weeks without using a single Euro cent," he spewed to reporters who were waiting for an interesting person to say something. "And if Britain holds out against this filthy tide of girly-coloured Monopoly money, our economy too will survive, potentially for years, before choking and dying in a pool of its own excrement, as our brave colleagues did. There's dignity in that kind of death. 

"A real currency has curly letters and pictures of Queens on it and that," he added.