Missing Titanic Bulkheads Found in Stoner's Bedroom

Bulkheads which once made the entire superstructure of the White Star luxury liner 'Titanic' completely watertight were found in stoner student Phil Masterson on Wednesday.  

He had no recollection of what caused them to be there, but admitted had they been in their proper place, the 1912 catastrophic sinking of the liner with the loss of over 1500 lives may well have been avoided.

"I, like, found them when I woke up," said Masterson, recovering from a 'serious bender' in his kitchen on Friday night. "I woke up, and there they were. I was like, whoa, what the hell? These are Belfast-forged watertight bulkheads for an early 20th century ocean liner, probably a Royal Mail steamer. Like, how?"

Upon informing police, a full forensic examination of Masterson's apartment was carried out. The search revealed countless previously believed lost pieces of engineering work of historical import connected to famous disasters with a combined death toll of over 2,000.

Among items recovered from the bed were a set of crucially important O-rings from the exploded 'Challenger' space shuttle, the lightning conductor from barbecued zeppelin 'Hindenburg', and the bullet shield from assassinated President John F. Kennedy's Dallas Cadillac.

While Masterson denied any wrongdoing or involvement in any of the disasters which the revelation of his bedroom hoard could have averted, police were baffled as to how an 18 year-old Creative Writing student enrolled with the Open University had managed to acquire such a formidable collection of historical artefacts in his bedroom. Their suspicions were then piqued by his greeting of “Happy 1934” to investigators.

Masterson's cache was taken into police custody, along with a supply of particularly potent narcotics with a street value of over US$500,000. Local constabulary believe they could get at least US$1 million for them if they sell direct to consumers.

This is not the first time unusual historical artefacts have been found in unlikely places. In June 2001, a Humberside housewife found an amended U.S. Constitution including a pledge of full land ownership rights to Native Americans folded inside a Gideon bible in a Travel Inn bedroom. Similarly in April 2006, two Lincolnshire schoolchildren found Elvis Presley alive and well in a Somerfield-bought jar of Dolmio pasta sauce.