Gandalf to Appear on Coronation Street

In a surprise casting move from the producers of infinitely reheatable paint-by-numbers sit-dram-tragicom Coronation Street, Sir Ian McKellen has been asked to return to the show after his hilarious turn as confidence trickster Mel Hutchwright, but this time in the role of Gandalf the Grey from Lord of the Rings.

“I'm delighted to return to the Street,” said the 68 year-old veteran actor, who has played such definitive genre-defining roles as Prospero, King Lear and Magneto from X-Men, “And I am also anxious to reprise my role as Gandalf Stormcrow, the lynchpin of the Fellowship and scourge of the Dark Lord Sauron. The combination of two of Britain's best loved entertainment institutions is sheer genius.”

Producers and screenwriters have been understandably guarded about what storylines may feature Gandalf, but hints scrawled on a lottery ticket by a bloke who does the bins at ITV have revealed that the wise and powerful wizard may engage in a potential fling with cadaverous Audrey Roberts, embroilment in a hedge dispute with walking cardigan Ken Barlow, and a final confrontation with the Balrog in the depths of the Rovers Return, following which Gandalf may or may not die.

However, a scriptwriter sacked from the interminable soap opera for being from London has revealed the scripting of a hilarious episode in which Gandalf bumps into his old rival Saruman the White, played by Christopher Lee, while going through dented tins in the corner shop. The comic encounter results in an epic magical duel featuring the two equally powerful master wizards using mysterious energy to throw one another across the shop. Annoyed at the wanton destruction, bespectacled '60s stereotype Norris will lead a March of the Ents, imprisoning Saruman in the corner shop's top floor flat, where he will be conveniently forgotten about indefinitely.