Mel Gibson and Zack Snyder to Shoot Film Entirely in Slow Motion

In a move which has been received with a mixture of apathy and resignation, directors Mel Gibson and Zack Snyder have decided to team up and shoot a film entirely in slow motion. 

After the success of Apocalypto and 300 respectively, both the anti-Semitic Gibson and six-pack loving Snyder decided that only through collaboration could they achieve their career-long ambition: to shoot a film without a moment of normal pacing. 

“We both felt that we had not maximised the potential of slow-motion in our respective films,” said Gibson, who used the technique to tedious effect in his film The Passion of the Christ. “In The Passion, my aims were twofold: first, to make the film as anti-Semitic as possible, and second, to prolong the film by a further hour by repeatedly employing slow motion. Every time Jesus collapsed under the weight of the cross, bam, slow motion. Stumbling on a rock? Bam, slow motion. Nothing important or interesting happening? Bam, slow motion. It’s an infallible directorial technique.”  

Snyder was quick to agree, stating that slow motion was ‘a sure-fire way of increasing the dramatic thrust of any film’ He went further, saying: “Slow motion is just cool. In 300, every time one of the Spartans jumped in the air or attacked anyone or…well, did anything frankly, I used slow motion. Decapitations look cool in slow motion, and so does movement in general. So Mel and I thought, well, if you can increase the sense of drama with slow motion, and the sense of coolness, what would a film shot entirely in slow motion be like? Pure, unadulterated cool. And drama.” 

The proposed collaboration is not, however, without its critics. Stanley Winston, a self-proclaimed film buff, is sceptical. “Every film that Mel and Zack do is about an hour longer than it needs to be, firstly because the stories are seldom good enough to warrant three hours of film-time, and secondly because they use so much bloody slow motion. People even shake hands and fall over in slow motion. It’s tedious as hell.” 

Mel Gibson responded vehemently to these criticisms, though his reply was too anti-Semitic and inflammatory to be published.