Ray Mears Develops Primitive Agriculture
National
Herb-grazing telly-bear Ray Mears surprised anthropologists today with an incredible display of primitive farming techniques, indicating a move away from a hunting and gathering approach to survival toward a more normal, sedentary agrarian subsistence. This has been hailed as a breakthrough in the process of 'civilising' Britain's last remaining prehistoric man.
Student Realises Summer Holiday Plans Were Over-Ambitious
National
Bristol student Vic Romano was recently left feeling ashamed and inadequate after failing to achieve a single one of his holiday plans.
Atlantis Discovered Under Gloucestershire Floods
National
Rescue workers sifting through the floodwaters in Gloucestershire have unexpectedly discovered the Lost City of Atlantis.
New Air Travel Regulations Announced
National
The Home Office today announced a set of sweeping reforms to security measures on all transatlantic flights, part of the ongoing effort to quell the rising risks of terrorist attack.
Missing Titanic Bulkheads Found in Stoner's Bedroom
National
Bulkheads which once made the entire superstructure of the White Star luxury liner 'Titanic' completely watertight were found in stoner student Phil Masterson on Wednesday.
Second Wearing of Humorous T-shirt Lacks Originality
National
Student Jonathan Wilkes, on an evening of heavy drinking with his classmates, decided to wear the same humorous T-shirt as he had worn the previous night, resulting in widespread criticism of his lack of originality.
Housewife Regrets Mundane Anecdotes
National
With Home and Away droning on interminably in the background, Monday afternoon was the same as any other for housewife Carol Smithfield from Leighton Buzzard.
Anti-Paedophile Mob Lynches Nine Year-Old Accused of Kissing Eight Year-Old
National
A group of angry locals have lynched a nine year-old boy for kissing an eight year-old girl in a village in the Scottish Borders.
Children’s Song Banned in “Perverted” Claim
National
The hit 1950s song ‘I’ve got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts’ has been banned following an outcry by concerned parents nationwide.
Man Claims He is 'Not Overreacting' to His Cold
National
Neil Tarman, a builder from Brighton, is adamant that his cold is far more serious than his girlfriend is giving it credit for.
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