Record Complaints to OFCOM After Hollyoaks Introduces Ugly Character

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Entertainment

The regulatory body OFCOM is tonight deciding whether to take action against Channel 4 soap Hollyoaks after the introduction of new character Rachel caused thousands of viewers to call and voice their disgust.

Fat Controller to Sue Rail Company for Abuse in the Work Place

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Business and Politics

The Fat Controller, known best for his appearance on popular daytime TV show Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends, is taking legal action against his employers for persistent abuse in the workplace.

Terrorist-looking Man Arrested

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National

A man looking like a terrorist was arrested in the Hyde Park area of Leeds this morning following a dawn raid by police.

Fruitbowl Project Set to Revolutionise Technology World

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Science and Technology

In what is considered by many to be the most lucrative collaboration in years, companies whose names are inspired by various kinds of fruit are uniting to take the technological world by storm.

One Minute Silence to be Held to Mark Death of Integrity in Football

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Sport

The Football Association announced today that the opening round of fixtures for the new season will be preceded by a minute of pointless solemnity.

Afghanistan’s Secret Army Finally Uncovered

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World

Disturbing new pictures of a secret army being trained by the Afghan government have been unveiled, under which there were, in fact, more veils.

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