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“Police questioning not awright,” says Barrymore

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Entertainment

Lawyers representing troubled television personality Michael Barrymore today presented the Independent Police Complaints Commission with a formal complaint, lambasting interrogation techniques described by the entertainer’s legal team as ‘humiliating and ratings-led’.

Nun Assaulted in Batman Confusion

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National

A nun has been attacked by two drunken men who assumed her to be dark-cloaked superhero, Batman.

Smooth London Underground Service Causes Widespread Panic

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Business and Politics

A wave of unmitigated panic and confusion swept London on Thursday as commuters were faced with a perfectly functioning Underground service.

Man Deems Penis Enlargement a Waste of Time

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Science and Technology

Dean Keaton, a vegetable slicer from Wisconsin, is a recent and dissatisfied recipient of penis enlargement surgery.

Beckham Shuns Scientology

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Sport

Former England captain David Beckham has reportedly turned down an offer to enter the Church of Scientology. 

UK Launches Massive Attack on Middle East

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World

The UK has inflicted Bristol-based trip-hop band Massive Attack on the Middle East in a shock renewal of hostilities.

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