British number one, Andy Murray, today served up an unexpected interruption to the relative calm of post-Wimbledon tennis as it emerged that his failure to compete in this year’s championships was the result of a poorly executed prank.

Prince Philip expressed concerns this morning that he may have got slightly carried away with his scathing attacks on people of every creed, colour and religion.

An independent commission has deemed lactose-intolerance as unacceptable and ‘on par with religious intolerance and racism’.

The hit 1950s song ‘I’ve got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts’ has been banned following an outcry by concerned parents nationwide.

The BBC has today announced the creation of a new network of channels in a bid to grab a hitherto ignored demographic: racists.

As part of a movement to reform British railways, background checks have been performed on a number of British Rail employees.